第61頁(第2页)
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他的喉結動了動。
痙。攣的食道安分下來,額角卻悄然冒出冷汗,那個問句又一次徘徊在耳邊。
「你是不喜歡我,還是不喜歡女生?」
俞洲死死盯著徐曉風的嘴唇,腦中艱難地冒出一個念頭:
他可能是同性戀。
或者換成更準確的說法:
——他是一個恰好對同性心動的無性戀。
自青春期以來,他牴觸一切親密關係,而這種牴觸似乎從來都與性別無關……
沙沙的寫字聲停了下來。
徐曉風伸了個懶腰,拿杯子起身倒水,卻忽然發現身邊站著一個人,被嚇了一大跳。
俞洲正微微低著頭站在書桌旁,額角帶汗,呼吸略微急促,神色晦暗。徐曉風愣住,打量著男生的臉色:「玩得不開心?」
下一刻,他看到俞洲迅收拾起所有微妙的表情,若無其事地朝他露出一點笑意,把綠豆糕放在桌上:「沒有,我在想老師算的內容是什麼意思。」
徐曉風狐疑地看了他片刻。
俞洲身上帶著各種香水味,恰到好處地流露出一點疲憊,又道:「今天玩得好累,我先洗澡睡了。老師也早點休息。」
徐曉風:「好,晚安。」
俞洲:「晚安。」
他走進浴室里,片刻后里面傳來嘩嘩的水流聲。徐曉風有些餓,嘗了一塊綠豆糕,居然還是溫熱的。
他專門給他買了出的那一爐。
晚上,俞洲又做夢了。
和之前朦朧不真切的夢境相比,這次的夢清晰又深刻。
他又回到小學的某個晚上,剛剛萌生性別意識的他推開家門,毫無防備地撞到了俞若雲和糾纏不休的男人,那個男人長著龜殼一樣醜陋的啤酒肚,已經扯開俞若雲的衣襟,一邊罵罵咧咧一邊動手動腳。俞若雲尖叫著唾罵,把陳舊的沙發晃得嘎吱作響,纖細的手腕顯得毫無縛雞之力,像任人宰割的羔羊。
畫面是黑白的,仿佛被裝在一個狹小的老款電視機屏幕里,看起來逼仄又絕望。
俞洲站在門口,手腳冰涼,胃部收緊,人生中第一次感到如此強烈的噁心。
他撿起門口的空啤酒瓶,悄然走到男人的身後,朝著他的腦袋狠狠砸了過去。
血的味道同樣令人作嘔,搖晃停止,酒瓶也碎了,紅色順著男人的頭皮往下滴,世界卻仍然沒有變得安靜,蟬在這個炎熱的夏夜聒噪地叫。
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