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第19章 捉五魁(第1页)

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清末,天津有个混混叫康小八,人称康八爷,这厮倒卖枪火、偷盗抢劫,胆大包天,无恶不作,最风光的一次,就是把外国公使给慈禧太后进贡的贺礼给劫了。

后来被抓,投入大狱,慈禧很纳闷儿,什么人这么大胆,破例见了他一次:“为什么劫皇纲?”

康小八斜眼一翻:“要劫就劫皇纲,要玩就玩娘娘!”

慈禧差点气薨了,她就是西宫娘娘啊,这不是当面侮辱妇女嘛。

既然你小子这么有种,那么除了凌迟,没有什么能与你的胆量相匹配的,最终康小八成了大清朝最后一位凌迟处死的人,割了三千多刀,每次快要割死了,便停下来,喂口米汤,待恢复元气,继续割。

一下把天津卫的混子震住了。但好景不长,新一茬的混子又成长起来。

后来袁世凯主政天津,混子们叫嚣捣乱,有人建议,效仿老佛爷,法办几个,必然老实,老袁哈哈一笑:“何必动刀动枪的呢?不文明!”

他买通了一个混子,获悉了这群人“不能钻裤裆”

的忌讳,某日,将天津有头有脸的混子全请到酒楼,设宴款待,待他们酩酊大醉后,弄了一群窑姐进来,大屁股坐在混混们的脸上蹭来蹭去,混子们一觉醒来,现窑姐的屁股对着脸,全都哭天抢地、如丧考妣:“完了!完了!全完了!”

老袁“杯酒释混混”

,一顿酒,全搞定。

陈三爷用的就是这一计,只不过比老袁更毒,直接下了蒙汗药,用了鸳鸯壶,省去了醉酒环节。

肥牛、铁蛋、云鹏、棍儿醒来后,现一群窑姐骑在自己身上,这就是钻裤裆了,恨得啪啪拍地板,誓要杀了陈三爷。

陈三爷面无惧色:“杀了我也没用啊?这件事很快就会传遍天津卫,道上的人都躲着你们走!你们完啦!”

肥牛晃晃荡荡地站起来,张牙舞爪冲过来,陈三爷一侧身,顺势一推,肥牛倒地,蒙汗药的力度还没过去,身子还是虚。

铁蛋、云鹏、棍儿也起身攻击陈三爷,可也站不稳,陈三爷随便一划拉,纷纷倒下。

窑姐们都吓跑了,陈三爷搬了个凳子坐在三人面前:“听好了!人生在世,无非求财,堂堂七尺男儿,偷鸡摸狗,不羞耻吗?你还牛爷?我看你是牛腚吧!你还铁蛋?有多硬啊?我看是泥球吧?云鹏,一只大鹏在云中穿行,你配吗?棍儿,你倒是名副其实,搅屎棍,你看看你混得,衣衫不整,邋里邋遢,身上都臭了,咋地,偷来的银子舍不得花啊?还是你大哥牛腚分赃不均啊?”

四个人被损得颜面全无,赤裸裸的羞辱,气得全都手捂胸口,心脏都快停止跳动了。

陈三爷接着喷:“你们还别生气,你们四颗脑袋加起来,都斗不过我一个人,咋地,脑子里装的都是浆糊啊?文也不行,武也不行,现在又钻了窑姐的裤裆,道上也混不下去了,咋办?”

四个人的额头汗都冒出来了,陈三爷句句扎在他们心窝子上。

陈三爷继续喝斥:“如果我现在拿着银元和饰跑了,你们就一无所有,养老都是问题。你们还敢再去街上偷吗?你看看其他佛爷不打断你们的腿!你们身上有晦气,同行唯恐避之不及,很快就会占领你们的地盘,把你们赶出这一行,我没说错吧?”

四人低头不语。

“说话!不说话,我走了!”

肥牛低声道:“没说错!”

“大点声,我听不见!”

肥牛扯着嗓子大吼:“没说错——”

门开了,龟公带着一群打手冲进来,刚才窑姐们四散奔逃,到楼下通风报信了,说二楼厢房里打起来了。

陈三爷从怀里掏出一包大洋,扔给了龟公:“你先出去,这里的事,不用你管!”

龟公接了大洋,笑道:“爷,咱这儿做的是买卖,讲究和气生财,不兴打架,如果您想打,到外面去打,人脑袋打成狗脑袋,我们也不管。”

陈三爷一笑:“谁说我在打架?我和几个兄弟谈谈心,待会儿还要结拜呢,没看他们都跪下了吗?”

龟公一瞅地上四个人:“这不都是坐着呢吗?”

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