第41頁(第2页)
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半晌,我說:&1dquo;你應該去,占了雙重便宜呢。”
余柏言拍了一下我的腦袋,還挺使勁兒的。
他說:&1dquo;他怎麼知道我在這裡打工,我不清楚。那天他來了就給我錢,讓我和他走。後來他就經常過來,每次都給我小費,但不再提讓我和他走的事。他開始和陌生男人喝酒、勾肩搭背,後來還很親密地跳舞。”
我看向舞池裡的卓越,發現我也根本沒有了解過我的親哥哥。
&1dquo;慢慢的,他會和剛認識的人當著我的面接吻,偶爾會和別人牽著手出去。”
&1dquo;他們開房去了?”
&1dquo;不知道。”余柏言說,&1dquo;所以有時候我也會懷疑,我是不是害了他。”
我們都看向不遠處群魔亂舞的中心,我哥被一個男人從身後抱著,兩人笑得曖昧又快活。
我說:&1dquo;我去叫他回來吧。”
&1dquo;隨他去吧。”
&1dquo;你不吃醋嗎?”
&1dquo;我喝酒就夠了。”
那天余柏言再沒有看向卓越,卓越也沒再搭理我們倆。
後來過了好幾年,我們再聊起當初,我問余柏言:&1dquo;你看著自己的初戀、白月光慢慢墮落,心裡是不是挺不是滋味的?”
余柏言說:&1dquo;他沒有慢慢墮落,那是他自己選擇的、他喜歡的生活。”
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第48章第48章
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48
很多時候我其實並不清楚自己喜歡什麼樣的生活。
小時候在鄉下的泥巴地里奔跑,弄得身上髒兮兮的,回家還要挨頓揍。
十歲之後,被接到城裡,穿乾淨的衣服過規規矩矩的生活。
後來我開始模仿我哥,想變成他的樣子,甚至不惜勾引他喜歡過的人。
一路走過來,我好像從來沒有正視過自己究竟想要怎樣的人生。
混混沌沌。
所以,當我看著舞池裡笑得陌生的卓越時,再一次覺得,我還是沒能比得過他。
那天晚上卓越和那個剛認識的男人一起離開了酒吧,走之前過來和我打了個招呼,說酒錢他付了。
他掃了一眼站在我身邊的余柏言,然後像不認識一樣,轉身被那人拉著出去了。
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