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第74章(第3页)

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他好像似乎也没乱成一团,被对方用一双轻柔的手,三下两下,就解开了。

秦玄枵眨了眨眼。

小时候的事,他有多久没再重新想起了?

他本以为他将当时所有的知情者都杀了个遍,又肆意挥霍了五六年,早就把那段黑漆漆的时光压在心底,再也不用提起了。

可没想到,原来他一生都陷在那段时光中,一生都被报仇的浓雾裹挟。

秦玄枵又眨了眨眼,从衣袖中取出来一串破损的佛珠,轻轻摩挲两下,然后将其放入秦铎也的手中,他开了口,嗓音干涩,“有些长,我也从为对他人提起过,这还是第一次讲出来,应会混乱些。”

秦铎也低头看那串佛珠,只剩下了几个稀疏的珠子,穿在一条被重新系起的线上,有的珠子磕破了,有的遍布划痕。

像是被人暴力扯破,珠子迸裂,散落一地,后来又一个个被找回来,被重新系好。

“你早已知道了,我非先帝亲子,那猪狗不如的东西在街上掳走了我母亲,打死了我外祖母,又剥了我生父的皮。我母亲被关在殿里,日夜受折磨,后来她抢过剪烛的铰刀,将自己的脸划得血淋淋的,先帝厌弃,便将她丢到后宫中,任由她自生自灭。”

“她活了下来,在无人问津的角落里,没人照料,混进扫洒的宫女中,找口充饥的东西,像在后宫里苟延残喘的鼠。七月后,她生下了我。”

秦玄枵垂眸看那串破损的佛珠,说:“她与赵之寒感情很好,虽然只是订婚,但私下里早已有了夫妻之实。呵,对,就是我。”

“又看了看眉眼相貌,蔺溪知道,我就是她与赵之寒的孩子,我虽是足月出生,但却不足斤两,宫里人就以为是蔺溪早产,我的身份,就这么隐瞒了下来。”

“有宫人去向先帝禀报,但先帝那时候沉醉在另一片温柔乡中,没空搭理他随手抢来的,甚至不令他顺心称意的女子,就没管我们。但毕竟是‘皇子’,蔺溪就有了个极偏极偏的破旧住所。”

忽然指尖紧了紧,秦玄枵抬起头,看见秦铎也绷直了身体,紧紧握着他的手,眸光闪烁着深切的关怀,便笑,“不用紧张我,我没什么感受,真的。”

拍了拍秦铎也的手以示安抚,秦玄枵接着说:“这些事,都是自我开始记事起,蔺溪天天在夜深无人时,将熟睡的我从床榻上揪起,在我耳边喋喋不休地念叨的。她一定要我活着,要我长大,要我为她和赵之寒报仇血恨。”

“那时候后宫斗得狠,蔺溪一个毫无分位也无母族支撑的人,悄无声息地在他们眼皮子底下生了个皇子出来,很多人都坐不住了。各种明枪暗箭袭来,蔺溪招架不住,因为她从生下孩子后,精神就有些不正常了。”

“她白天沉默寡言,晚上神神叨叨,喋喋不休。她给予我吃食和住所,又在深夜让我一遍遍重复讲述她的苦难。在我彻底可以自主思考的时候,她好像就已经疯了。”

“但她成功了,我彻底记住了她的所有恨意。”

佛珠被转动了下,残余的珠子碰撞,轻轻地几声响,“我就在前半生龟缩在冷宫中,有一次,现了个狗洞,是出宫的密道。我顺着爬出去,向外走,不知不觉之间迷了路,绕了许多圈都没找到那个回宫的洞口,好像一路上了山,进了寺中,这串佛珠原本是完整的,是那个寺中的一个老人给我的。”

而此刻佛珠只剩下了几个珠子,“再出寺,就找到了那个狗洞,我钻了回去,将佛珠给蔺溪看。蔺溪本来双目无神,见到佛珠,忽然歇斯底里起来,她一把从我手中夺过佛珠,又抢过铰刀,从中一把将这串珠子剪断,又狠狠地摔在地上,很多珠子就飞射四去,不见了。蔺溪说什么她前半辈子信神佛,可在家破人亡之际,心中求了千遍万遍,神佛也不应,她不准我信神佛。这串珠子我就再也没见过。”

“九岁的时候,蔺溪已经灯枯油尽了,她临死前,塞给我报仇的血书,让我时刻谨记。在她彻底气绝前,却忽然挣扎着坐了起来,去床边的匣子里,颤抖着手,取出来这串被她缝补好的珠子,递给我,对我说,对不起,小枵,娘没找全。。。。。。”

“我的人生底色彻底被渲染成了血色,我成了她执念的继承人,而我活着的意义只有一个,长大,然后替她报仇。但这串珠子。。。。。。”

“我无法评判她的对错,因为她是给予我生命,又将我养大的人。”

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