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陶其华:大家好!欢迎来到四仙座谈会,我是陶其华。很荣幸能够主持这次(薪水不菲的)座谈会。首先介绍下参与本次座谈的嘉宾:着名的巴叔组合——胡三爷、黄四爷、柳七爷和灰八爷。
灰八爷:大家好……叫小的小八就可以。
陶其华:小八啊,听说你的原身是老鼠,那么小的动物要成仙,一定很不容易吧?
小八:啊,是、是的。我们老鼠的寿命与人相比短多了,所以成仙多半是靠偶然的机缘。而且不同品种的老鼠,智力和悟性什么的,也都不一样的。
陶其华:那你是什么品种?家鼠、田鼠、土拨鼠?
小八:我、我啊,是……三线仓鼠。
陶其华:哎!?小八是小仓鼠?就是那种喜欢把葵花籽塞进颊囊里的仓鼠?我小时候也养过,胖胖小小的,居然也能够成仙?!
小八:嗯……虽然我是地仙,但、但是功力在四仙中还是最弱的,而且我胆子又小,平时只能负责跑跑腿、或者寻找点失物之类的……果然我还是最没用的。
陶其华:不要这样说啦,在寿喜镇子的时候,多亏有小八我们才能从地下室里逃到四楼。这可是了不起的本事!这样说起来,小八是仓鼠的话,平时会不会害怕猫呢?
小八:我毕竟是个地仙了,现在一般的猫是不会害怕啦。其实我最怕的还是七哥。
陶其华:啊,对了……柳七爷是蛇精吧!还是毒蛇,难道说原型是眼镜蛇?
柳七爷:错!你看到我戴过眼镜了么!别把本大爷和那种天生有生理缺陷的家伙混为一谈!
小八(轻声):七哥是纯种的竹叶青啦。其实林家也有别的地仙是眼镜蛇,不过和七爷很不对盘,所以最好不要在他面前提到「眼镜」。
陶其华:咦?林家,林深家还有别的地仙?
柳七爷:一看你就是没专心看书的!主人早就说过了,林家世代都是「火居道士」,每个成年人都拥有「四仙」——只不过物种不同而已。另外,就算是同样的鼠仙、蛇仙,也会因为品种的区别而有法力的差异。
陶其华:我明白了……所以也会有「哈士奇仙人」、「俄罗斯蓝猫仙人」、「小强仙人」的存在吧?
柳七爷:那种奇怪的东西,有才奇怪吧!
黄三爷:虽然林家每个成年人都拥有「四仙」,但是作为家长的男人,却能够额外地拥有更强大的「四灵」。那就是青龙、白虎、朱雀和玄武,不过最近一百年来,压根没有人见过它们。
陶其华:四、四灵?怎么越来越像奇幻小说里的桥段了?不是在随便开玩笑吧?
小八:才不是呢,四哥是我们这里最足智多谋的人了,虽然平时不多话,但他说的每句话都绝对是真的!
柳七爷:哼。小八对黄四可是崇拜得不得了。
陶其华:说起来,黄四爷是黄鼬仙人吧,说得通俗一点就是「黄鼠狼」……那个,恕我直言,一般的说法是:黄鼠狼身上都有一股特殊的臭味……
黄四爷:你、说、什么?有胆子再说一遍!
小八:四、四哥,他不是有意的啦!再说四哥你明明这么香,根本不用在意那些传统的偏见!拜托冷静、冷静一下!
柳七爷:就是,我们黄四可是世界名牌香水的忠实用户呢。
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