第86章(第1页)
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他放在她肩上的手用力地捏了一下,“那时候你没有想到我?”
“想到了,但是我那时只有一个念头,没有了我,你会过得更好。”
黎若谷猛地瞪着她,“没有你,我怎么可能会好?!”
赵宁静闭上眼睛,“这不是我能控制的。抑郁就是会人这样的心理暗示,否定自我,评价自己一文不值。只会想到悲观负面的事,来加深自身的悔恨。”
当悔恨的情绪到一个顶点时,甚至只有靠着伤害自己来寻求心安。
那种坏情绪到底会达到哪个点,只跟抑郁的程度有关,轻,中,重,极重……每种程度的表现递增或着递减。
“这些坏情绪的顶点,会不时出来,也会定时出来,”
赵宁静说,“比如天刚亮,而我也刚好醒来的时候。我最怕的就是那个时段到来,因为真的会生不如死。”
黎若谷慢慢坐起来,除了看着她,他好像不知道还能说什么。
“而这不是最糟糕的,糟糕的是,我是重度抑郁,即使这次治愈,以后怀孕,生产或是劳累,也大概率的会复发,”
赵宁静说到这里,一直被她竭力稳定住的情绪还是失控,她一手抱着膝盖,另一手去抹眼泪,“如果遗传假说成立,我的子女也可能抑郁。一旦以后我的抑郁复发,给他们带来的影响,也可能会成为触发他们抑郁的诱因。”
“没有那么严重,”
黎若谷摸着她的头发说,“你看你之前比我还健康开朗。复发了我们就治,一生中大部份时间,你都是好好的,那短时间的痛苦,难道我们还熬不过去吗?”
赵宁静泪眼迷蒙地望着他,心里回答着,每到那个时候,你都得放下手中的事来陪我。如果我一旦熬不过去,留给你的是无尽的痛苦。
更不用说在她复发时,她的反复无常,阴晴不定,都会让他感到痛苦。
如果天上真有神的存在,她诚心祈求,希望仁慈的神拿走她最美好的东西,换取他的自由。
chapter9遗忘
1电休克治疗
或许命运从来没有真正给过黎若谷选择。
他在纠结后痛下的决定,在强大的命运面前,显得那样无足轻重与可笑。
赵宁静睡着以后,他把每扇门的锁头都封住,包括卫生间的都无法上锁,才回到了书房。
晚饭她的食欲依然不好,吃了几口饭,喝了点汤,天擦黑就进卧室睡了。
她内心的痛苦他无法感同身受,但她身体上表现出的症状已经越来越明显,白天精力不济,连走路都显得疲倦吃力。而一进入深夜,她就会醒来,睁着眼睛,直到天亮。
他没开书房的灯,黑暗之中,电脑屏幕亮起。敲入屏保密码后,那封未写完的eail呈现出来。
贺敏:
别来无恙!
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