第174节(第2页)
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“只是我时常疑惑。”
阮朝汐在昏暗朦胧的帐子里依偎在温暖的肩头。
“为何你父亲对你仇视至此?你是他膝下嫡子,按理来说,你入朝出仕,他应该欢欣鼓舞才是。为何会倾力栽培你二兄,却对你横眉冷对,大加拦阻?”
“父亲倾力栽培二兄,因为他们是性情相似的人。至于我……自小便有些不同。”
说话间,书案灯台里的灯油燃尽,随着一声轻响,灯光熄灭。室内陷入全然的黑暗。
黑暗里的絮絮闲谈还在继续。“阿般可还记得云间坞小院里养的兔儿?”
阮朝汐自然记得的。
她掰着手指头算,“大兔儿单独一笼,小兔儿两只一笼,加起来足足有三四十笼。真的好多只啊。这些年也不知用兔毛制了多少只云间紫毫?”
黑暗里响起了轻轻的笑声。“以兔儿背上的硬毛制作紫毫,那是后来的事了。其实在我年纪很小,记得是刚刚提笔习字不久的时候,家里就开始养兔儿了。”
“起先是母亲的意思。那时候祖父看重我,早晚排满了功课,母亲怕累着了我,便叫仆妇养了两笼兔儿,只是为了给我解闷。我便天天下学后和兔儿玩。”
“后来被父亲得知了。父亲严厉斥责了母亲,说年幼时玩物丧志,长大后如何能出人头地,将兔儿提到我面前,命我把它们杀了。我记得那是个夏日晚上。”
“后来呢?”
阮朝汐靠在荀玄微的胸口,听着胸腔里的心脏沉稳地跳动。多年前的陈年旧事,对他早已失去了影响。
“后来,我便按照父亲的吩咐,拿着小刀,把两只兔儿都杀了。”
黑暗里响起的嗓音平和舒缓,毫无波动。
“血流满地。我把断气的兔儿拎给父亲,展示干净利落的刀口,以为父亲会夸赞我。结果,只看到父亲惊恐的眼神。”
“父亲原以为我会哭泣着哀求他放过兔儿。那是我还不满七岁,他没打算让我手上沾血,只想打压我,展示他身为父亲的威严,让我生出敬畏。这是大多数父亲会做的事。但我的反应和大多数幼子不同。”
“父亲呆在原地,毫无反应。我见他不说话,以为他不够满意,就按照书里的法子,把兔儿剥了皮,拔了毛,皮子放在一处,血肉放在一处。然后告诉父亲,兔儿有用,养兔儿不算玩物丧志。皮子可以给父亲制一只皮帽,硬毛可以制笔。剩下的血肉可否拿去下葬,我喜爱这两只兔儿,不想吃了它们。”
“父亲衣袖掩面,跌跌撞撞地奔出去了。从此视我为毕生大耻,总觉得我这个怪胎会毁了荀氏宗族。”
阮朝汐在黑暗里安静地听完,想说点什么,却发现说什么都无用。事情的起因和结局都过于荒谬,只有来自亲生父亲的仇视实实在在地延续了多年。
“竟是为了这个缘故……”
“七岁看老,人自小不同。我确实缺乏一些常人都会有的东西,记得我从小就不怎么哭泣。家族兄弟众多,每日都有大大小小的纷争,我也极少会感觉伤感,愤怒,嫉妒……各种各样的情绪都少。”
荀玄微无声地笑了下,“或许就像父亲所说的,确实是个天生怪胎。”
“都过去了。”
阮朝汐靠在他的肩头,“既然从前就不怎么在意,以后更不必在意。如果说不似寻常反应就是怪胎,那世上的怪胎多的是。按照俗世眼光来看,我也是个怪胎。”
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