第33章(第2页)
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“可以有啊。”
他自然地说,“但是你也不说明白,我也搞不清你到底怎么想的,那怎么有呢?”
齐盼就笑,“你别跟我贫。”
“我没贫啊,”
他说,“但你也不能光晾着我啊。”
“行吧,”
齐盼站起身,“走吧,晚上请你吃饭。”
运动耗了心神之后唯有饱餐可以缓解,热气腾腾的火锅吃上,烦躁的思绪又熨帖了不少,齐盼觉得藏着掖着太不厚道,索性直说。现在的年轻人心思敞亮,该拒绝拒绝,该反对反对,没什么大不了的。
于锐倒也没有对被当成备胎这件事太过介怀,反而敏锐地抓住了齐盼话语表面下的含义。“那你不是想找老公,是想找个孩子他爸。”
齐盼看他直白,也实话说,“废话。我要是想找男朋友,保证不生小孩,那我肯定找你。”
“嚯。”
于锐笑,“这是夸我呢还是损我呢?”
“是喜欢你呗。”
齐盼毫不掩饰,坦诚地笑道,“喜欢你,才把你当成能一直玩下去的朋友,都不舍得变成男朋友,要是变成孩他爸,那不就更无聊了吗。”
于锐又笑,“那你为什么还想找孩他爸呢?”
齐盼不笑了,她也不知道要怎样跟他解释。“你不懂。”
她说,“等你到我这个年纪你就懂了。”
说完自己又摇头,“算了,你到我这个年纪也不会懂的。”
于锐虽然看起来性格特立独行,又年纪轻轻就从体制辞职,一个人自由创业,但她简单了解过他的家庭,父母其实都只是传统平凡的工人,就这一个儿子,还指望他在外面浪够了回家去安稳生活。他现在没有这些顾虑,只是因为他年纪还没到,父母还没有成为负担。
“我为什么不懂,我只是比你小,又不是傻。”
于锐说,“我理解你的担忧,只是暂时还不能设身处地感受到而已,又不妨碍我喜欢你啊。每个人都有来自家庭的压力,虽然你从来不说你家里的事情,但我猜,一定跟家里有关吧。”
齐盼沉默半晌。
说实话,她为自己现在想法的转变而感到隐隐的羞耻和可悲。几年前她还毫无疑问地相信自己会一直这样简单独立地生活下去,现在她竟然会因为还不知道什么时候会到来的衰老和死亡而感到焦虑
和恐惧,从而竟然觉得找个人一起养育下一代就能解决这个问题。
蒋赛不仅没有现身说法劝她入围城,反而经常现身说法劝她不要入。“虽然我儿子将来没良心的话我会骂他,但说实话,我也没法真的指望他。”
她说,“不指望的话,不管将来怎么样,都不会失望吧。如果你抱着养娃等于给自己养老的心态,那会很容易失衡的。”
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