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第6章(第1页)

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  我讪讪的笑了笑,其实我这个人那都挺好的,就是爱吐糟,也是抑郁那半年看喜剧,听相声,看段子留下的后遗症,改是改不了啦,顶多克制一下。

  老王说的有道理啊,事到如今,死马当作活马医呗,趁着剩斗士不在办公室,我让老王帮我请假,去佛光寺找慧棉大师,佛光寺在郊区,打了个车,半个小时就到了,车没停在正门,而是停旁边的一个侧门,司机师傅说找人的话,从这里进门不要门票。

  我敲了敲门,一个小和尚开的门,问我干什么?要是游客的话去正门买票。我说是报社老王介绍来找烩面大师的,小和尚才把我放了进去,带着我绕过一条小道,来到一间禅房,不大的一间禅房,摆设挺简单,一张床,一个桌子,右边还有个小沙和茶几,一个肥头大耳的和尚穿着褐色的僧袍正在笔记本电脑上打字,不等小和尚介绍,我快步走进去,大声道:“烩面大师你好,我是报社老王介绍来的,找你有点急事。”

  烩面大师法相庄严的转过头来,五十多岁的年纪,一米七的身高,圆圆的脑袋,圆滚滚的身材,肥头大耳,头顶没有戒疤,戴了个眼镜,别说,胖的还挺喜感的呢。

  “大师……”

  没等我继续说,烩面大师指了指门口,这时候我才现禅房的门口摆了一个功德箱,我有点懵,见过功德箱摆在大殿里的,没见过摆在禅房里的,更牛x的是,功德箱的上面还有支付宝和微信扫码呢,就算没带钱,也可以扫码,大师不亏是大师,想的可真周到。

  求人办事,得有求人的态度,这个道理哥们懂,我用微信扫了五十块钱给大师。

  更牛x的是,大师不光有支付宝和微信扫码,还有语音提示呢,禅堂里清脆的响起了:收到付款五十元整的声音。

  大师的脸上立刻有了笑模样,指了指沙让我坐下,亲切的坐到我对面,带着口音问我:“施主,什么事啊?感情上遭遇挫折了吗?贫僧跟你说,分手了就不要在想着回头了,你要这么想,前任就是一坨屎,但是经过日久天长,渐渐失去了屎的味道,变成了巧克力的颜色。你就忍不住捡起来尝一下,结果现还是一坨屎……”

我目瞪口呆的看着烩面大师很认真的用河南方言给我讲起了关于爱情和前任,形容的有些恶心啊……这特妈是大师,还是知心姐姐?我实在是没忍住,打断了大师的喋喋不休,道:“不是爱情的事……”

  “不是爱情,那就是工作上的事了!年轻人要知道,一分耕耘一分收获,你看那一个成功人士不是历经磨难……”

  “大师,我撞鬼了!”

  烩面大师停下了念叨,推了下鼻梁上的眼镜,淡淡的哦了声道:“撞鬼了啊,你不早说!”

没关系,我给你念段经保佑你,南无、喝罗怛那、哆罗夜耶。南无、阿唎耶。婆卢羯帝、烁钵罗耶。菩提萨埵婆耶……”

  念了不到一分钟就停下了,我都没听清楚,完整不完整也不知道,然后烩面大师对我挥手道:“行了,帮完你了,你走吧!”

  卧槽,这么草率的吗?从进到禅房到现在,我还没说遭遇呢,刷了五十块钱,听大师带着河南口音嘟囔了一段含糊不清的经就完事了?他口音那么重,佛祖真的能听懂吗?我疑惑问道:“大师,这就行了,管用了?”

  “嗨,啥管用不管用的啊,五十块钱听段经也值这个价了,别人遇鬼了,我都是念这段经。放心吧,不坑你。”

  烩饼大师说不坑我,可我咋就觉得那么不靠谱呢?忍不住道:“我遇见的鬼可邪乎了,不让我抽烟,老吹灭我的打火机,大师,还有没有别的管用的办法?”

  大师扭头看了看功德箱,我立刻就明白大师的意思了,赶紧站起来到功德箱又刷了五十块钱,烩面大师脸上就又笑眯眯的了,走到书桌,从抽屉里拿出一张折叠好的黄符递给我道:“随身带着,保你平安。”

  我突然就明白了一个道理,大师不是没本事,他的本事是跟钱数相等的,我站起来到功德箱刷了一百块钱,随着清脆的钱款到账提示音,我沉声道:“大师,整点厉害的吧!”

  烩面大师严肃的点了点头,捏了个手决对我道:“我教你个降魔手印,左手拿出来,拇指按在无名指下,四只手指头握下来,这个就是金刚拳手印、又叫降魔印,碰到魔鬼就把他敲下去,平常放在腰部保护自己,对了,捏手印的时候,记得念诵咒语,记清楚了我的咒语,麻痹麻痹哄!”

  “麻痹麻痹哄?大师,我记得是嘛咪嘛咪哄吧?”

  大师不耐烦道:“你知道还是我知道?跟我学,麻痹麻痹哄……”

  我不知道原本的咒语就是这样,还是大师口音拐成了这样,不敢违逆大师,跟着捏了两次降魔手印,念了几句麻痹麻痹哄,大师送客了,对我道:“贫僧已经把平生所学都教给你了,不敢说纵横天下,但足够应付任何妖魔鬼怪了,行了,回去吧,我这中午不管斋饭……”

  我懵逼的往寺庙外走,花了二百块钱,听了一段连顺口溜都不如的咒语,得到了一张黄符,学了一句麻痹麻痹哄,和一个没啥难度的手印,我咋感觉我被骗了呢?

  可万一大师这三板斧管用呢?自我安慰的走出了庙门,茫然的四下看了看,庙门口一溜摆摊的,有买香火的,还有算命的,沿着庙抢蹲了一排。

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