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第16页(第1页)

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仿佛就在一瞬间,蔽境顿敞。枉我虔心礼佛学法多年,竟到今日才参透:过于执着,便是痴。

因痴,生爱恨,生贪念,生业障。

赵匡胤与我,一为爱欲,一为旧情,皆是痴人,而赵光义你呢?你所痴者,不止是至高无上的权力罢……赵光义好整以暇的神色有些凝固了。

我清楚极了,他所乐见的,是我的悲痛欲绝,心如刀绞,而非古井无波般的澹泊与平静,这是对他精心安排的一场游戏最大的嘲讽。

他用一种惊疑而深思的目光望着我,我则用含泪的微笑凝望着一曲歌毕的她,“娘娘的歌,唱得真好。曲有情,词有意,正是一片芳心千万绪……至情至性,苍天垂怜,定当遂心如愿……”

她并不明切我话中深意,只听出善诵善祷的祝愿,不失礼地轻声称谢,一双明眸只热望着他,盼得到几句溢美之词。

赵光义的面色却阴沉得有如垂暮天色,墨云暗涌。

他有些索然无味地挥挥手,无视她退下时幽然失望的目光。

我淡然道:“皇上,既然琴曲已毕,如若无事,下臣可否先行告退?”

他面无表情地盯着我,目光如刀,声音尖锐:“重光……你令朕很不开心,知道么?”

我敛目,眼观鼻,鼻观心,“下臣愚钝,皇上恕罪。”

“愚钝?”

他冷笑道,“非也,你明慧得甚至超过朕的掌控了……这是一件多么危险的事情,你知道么?”

“是生是死,何去何从,在于皇上;寸心寸土,一花一界,却在于我。”

他一怔,很快明了之后,是抑制不住的怒气,“看来是朕对你太过宽舒了,才你生了这般自欺自慰的念头,朕今日要你睁大眼睛瞧清楚,你所谓的心中净土,花中世界,究竟在何处!”

他怒气冲冲地拖起我,一路扯落了重重帷幔,大力摔在龙床之上。我弯着腰咳起来,却被他一把揪着发按在床边,另一手猛地掀开了附案上蒙盖的黄绸。他指点着那些形状奇异的物件,凑近我耳旁,用极轻柔的声音一件一件解说:“玉势、冰针、鳞鞭、银丸……这些可是朕为你精心准备的呢,内中滋味你可得好好品尝,切莫令朕失望啊!”

我挑起眉:“赵光义。”

“要叫皇上。”

他手中短刃由我胸腹划下,衣帛尽裂。

我伸指,点在他眉心,“赵光义,你真可怜……无法保全自尊,无法归服人心之时,也只有施暴这一条路了罢……”

他手一僵,眸中顿时一片冰冷漆黑,如暗夜沉沉。

我闭了眼。

暗夜沉沉,或许这一夜,是最煎熬身心的漫长。可我,却不再惶惑。

荆馆中池冰初解,柳眼新发。

风回小院庭芜绿,缠绵病榻的身躯却依旧是一派清霜残雪的伶仃。

我的病总是时好时坏,乍暖还寒,无论如何也无法根治。或许太医说得不错,源于心而发于体,药石只能治标,不能治本。秋水流珠整日愁眉不展,我却觉心中疏阔了许多,有一种无所牵挂的悠忽闲散。

只是夜夜无法安睡。

一闭眼,思绪纷沓,噩梦连连,无一夜得以安宁。

尤其是近来几夜,朦胧中总觉身边有人幽然凝视,待及挣开酸涩的眼皮定睛去瞧,榻前却又阒无一人。

我径自苦笑,果然是将入幽冥之人,连暗昧之物都感应得到了。

那一夜依旧焚了沉郁的紫檀香,或许是因为香气过浓了,反而睡意全无,干脆阖目假寐。夜半时分,我极真切地感到,有人悄悄坐于我榻边,幽然凝视着我。

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