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第1章 正确的教育观(第1页)

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网上曾经有过一个非常热门的话题;骂孩子时,孩子不反驳,反而回答“对啊,我就是垃圾,我就是很笨”

,体现了孩子什么样的心理?高赞回答是这样说的:“当自尊心被摧毁到了一定程度,自我否定反正是种保护。他想用伤害自己的方式,求得一个心理上的解脱。”

孩子需要被赞美,但这却恰恰是很多家长意识不到的,他们有着一套固执的,自以为正确的教子方法;认为不打不骂不成材,于是,不管孩子做的再好,换来的只有冷言冷语如对比嘲讽;相信成绩是唯一的优秀标准,于是,孩子成绩好了,爱就来了,成绩差了,爱也消散了;觉得“人前教子”

最有用,于是,无论是在多大的公众场合,只要孩子做的不如意,就当众批评甚至是羞辱……殊不知,这些以爱为名的错误行为,既伤害了孩子,也达不到他们想要的效果。优秀从来不应该是孩子被爱的原因,而是他们被爱的结果。当孩子感受到自己是被爱的、被信任的,奇迹才会出现。

在网上看过一个网友的故事。他上初中时非常叛,抽烟、打架、喝酒、逃学,样样都干。一次他因为打群架,伤到了一个同学,学校处罚他连续一个月每天写一封检讨,并当众朗读。青春期的孩子,正是自尊心最强的时候,这样的处罚无疑会让他从此在学校抬不起头。为了维护他的自尊,父亲“扑通”

一声向校长跪下,恳请校长减轻处罚。父亲流着泪说:“校长,我知道孩子做错了,我也会带着他去求那个学生原谅。求您换个处罚吧,让孩子在全校师生面前丢脸出丑,这会毁了他啊,他以后还怎么抬起头读书啊……”

他被深深触动了,那个在他面前永远严厉,如巍峨高山一般的父亲,竟然为了他给别人下跪了,只是为他还能在这学校有个立足之地。他下定决心,要为’父亲挣回面子。此后,他不再流连网吧,改掉了所有的坏习惯,每天努力学习。先是以高分考上了省里的重点高中,再以高出本科线8o分的好成绩上了一所985高校。他的照片挂在了初中和高中的荣誉墙上,作为优秀学生代表被学弟学妹们崇拜。父亲因他损失的面子,也终于因他而挽回。

曾经看过一段话:“童年时获得的原始自我价值感,是我们心理健康的原动,即使在成年后遇到了重大的打击和挫折,那种根深蒂固的自尊、自爱和自信,也会让我们鼓起勇气,勇敢地战胜困难。”

要知道,一个人维持生存的基本原动力,就是他的“自我价值"

。若是这种价值感被破坏了,他找不到自己奋斗的目标,不知道自己存在的意义,又该如何在这复杂的人世间生存呢?

无所畏惧,这样的人生才是所求的,这个世界上最远的距离,是身在福中不知福,所求皆所愿,深情不及长伴。

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