第93章 时代是我们的母亲我们是时代的女儿(第1页)
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关曦极少流泪。
3o岁的关曦,就连软弱也只露出一瞬。她的眼泪被生活磨砺成坚冰。
“妈妈。”
关曦下定决心,沙哑着开口,“你还不懂吗?”
她看着关母。她把手放在妈妈的肩膀上,温和地、坚定地、冷酷地说:“妈妈,你还有爸爸。你总说你养我,可是,从1999年开始,你和爸就下岗没收入了,你们拿什么养我?咱家全靠着我‘卖分’在养,妈妈,咱们家,其实是我当家。”
她对上关母因为错愕而睁大的双眼,硬起心肠说下去:“妈妈,一直以来,都不是我需要你,一直是你需要我。”
关母从未听过关曦讲这么直白刺耳的话。她惊得只会徒劳重复:“曦曦,你怎么会这么说?”
关曦避开关母的目光:“我从小就可以靠自己过得好。只是你不愿意相信。你不敢相信。”
关母还想说什么,金阿婆推了关曦一把,关曦咬咬牙,说:“妈妈,你再这样,我就出国。”
关母茫然。
关曦的声音平和:“世界那么大,我出个国,消失不见,你还能找到我?你不放开我,我就出国消失,这是你希望的吗?”
关母张开嘴,关曦再一次打断她:“妈妈,我去读大学,读研究生,你偷改我志愿,住进我的寝室,赶走我的朋友,监视我,控制我——这不是爱。妈妈,你总说,我是你今生唯一的成就。其实你爱的是你唯一的成就,是你自己。你爱的其实不是我。”
关曦从未这么说过这么直接、难听的话。
关母费力道:“妈妈也读过大学,难道妈妈就这么让你没面子,住不得你的大学寝室?”
关曦简单地说:“我不愿意。”
“你了不起。”
关母沉默许久后开口,“妈妈也是大学生,妈妈都没你这么了不起。”
关母这辈子都为“大学生”
这个身份而荣耀。
关曦垂下眼,攥紧手,终于说出更直白、更难听的话:
“妈妈,你下岗,是时代造成的,不是我造成的。你从小学习好,做班长,又考上大学,你骄傲极了,我也真心为你骄傲。可是,经济危机来了,你下岗了,你不甘心,你不断寻找出路,又被迫面对挫折,最后只好把人生的得意和失意全部寄托在我身上。我理解你,可是——妈妈,时代给予你的坎坷,不应该成为我的束缚。这样对我不公平。”
这话说得极重。
关曦从来都不忍心说出这么粗粝的事实。
整整一代人的痛苦、一代人的迷茫,不应该被猎奇地讲述。当下的裁员潮仿佛在重复昨日历史,她能理解母亲的痛苦,也一直刻意回避她的痛苦。
可回避,问题也不会消失。
关母睁大双眼,双唇颤抖。良久,她找回自己的声音:
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